Corbin. My sweet, sweet gift, Corbin. Two. You’re two years old today and I am in denial.
I remember the night I found out you were coming. It was the first night of the NFL season and to your daddy, that is sacred business.
I thought I was getting a stomach virus. I pushed through dinner and then found myself on my knees in the bathroom shortly after kick off.
While gasping for fresh, clean breaths, I calculated the days of the month. I was due for my period that day. I checked my phone to confirm- and there it was on the calendar. I grabbed a pregnancy test from under the counter and before I could lift the test up to eye level to ensure that it was working, the pink + sign was as bright as could be.
I cried a lot that night. Of course we were excited for you, but I was oh so scared, too. I have always dreamed of being a mother, but you were not planned and we did not think it was the right time for us to have children as I was half way through nursing school.
Those first few months were really hard- I was violently sick every day for the first twenty weeks. I was on multiple medications but nothing even took the edge of the nausea off.
I joke today that during my long 14 hour clinicals at the hospital I would start an IV, walk out of the patients room, throw up in the hall trashcan, wipe my mouth and wash my hands, and into the next patients room I went.
I was strong. I pushed through with the help of your amazing daddy and some great friends that I had met in nursing school. They carried me through those last few months when I was so big and so tired. They refused to leave us behind.
And then you were here- it wasnt an easy delivery but you were healthy and the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.
You made up for that difficult pregnancy by being the most amazing baby. You have always been so easy- so genuinely happy.
You are the greatest little boy in the world – do you know that? Do you feel how much your mommy and daddy love you? Because baby, do we ever.
Your daddy is so proud of you, Corbin. You are two years old and his face lights up and beams with pride over every milestone you accomplish. Just last night I was whining/mourning/wallering on the floor exclaiming how I just “don’t understand how it has already been two years”. And your daddy, always calm, stops throwing the ball with you and looks at me and says “I cant believe it has only been two years- it’s as if he has never not been with us.”
I try to document new things you do and new words you say in my journal- but youre changing so fast I can barely keep up.
One of my favorite things you do is when we are pulling out of the driveway, no matter where we are going, you say bye to everything and everyone you know. “Bye choo choo… bye Schroeder… bye dada…. bye home… bye Cara… bye Nana and Papa… bye Kashlyn…. bye Ethan… bye Nonnie…” It is the sweetest.
You’re so strong willed and smart. You want to do everything yourself.
And at the same time, you crawl in bed and snuggle with your mama every morning before we start the day and every night before bed.
I will cherish that time spent snuggled face to face with you for the rest of my life – the eskimo kisses, the laughs, the way you think youre whispering but really just making whisper sounds when we are under the covers.
You have always had the most sensitive soul. From a very young age, if I were to get upset, you sensed that and carried my hurts as yours – hysterical over the Publix commerical I was a sobbing heap over.
You are known to cry over a sad song during one of your shows- especially Sophia. Youll get me for this one day Im sure. It is so sweet and so endearing- our little boy with the largest heart.
You have forever changed me- my heart, how I view the world, what I want out of this life – all of these things have slowly transformed since you came along.
Being your mother is the greatest role I have ever been blessed with.